Today's Definition

Sunday Sex  

In a relationship, when you are too “tired” to have sex with your partner Monday through Thursday, you have a “headache” on Friday and had too many drinks on Saturday.  Given this sequence of events, you are forced into making up for this lack of lovemaking on Sundays only.  This is not the worst case scenario**, but is still pathetic. 

**Worst case scenario is most often called “birthday sex” or “anniversary sex”. 

CHEATER CHEATER PUMPKIN EATER

This just in....


30-60% of all married individuals engage in some form of infidelity at some point during their marriage. 


HOLY MOELY!!  


Now, don't get paranoid, this is obviously a somewhat vague statement for an almost immeasurable statistic, but, still, it is a published figure, not to be taken lightly. 

Learning this is extremely sad and sickening, but at the same time, not entirely shocking. Let's be real. We are creatures of desire.  We live in a day and age where we always want something new and exciting and a generous portion of us will stop at nothing until we get it, despite the consequences.  We are animals.  In fact, we are 98% genetically related to the Bonobo chimpanzees, who swing from partner to partner like a certain kind of Tiger (ahem).  But, before you use that as an excuse to stray, remember that humans evolved from chimpanzees.  We don't wipe our asses with our hands so how can we excuse ourselves of decentcy with the "humans are just animals" argument?  We can't.  So stop trying.

I have debated this topic many times in the past few years.  You see, I too, have been a victim and a perpetrator of infidelity.  I always come up with the same conclusion... sex = happiness = fidelity.


I can guess what you are thinking: "What about love, caring, compassion, friendship and all that other hearts and farts BS?"  All good relationship qualities, but a relationship without sex is ultimatley marked for disaster.  Don't believe me?  Research it. 
    

Fizzle of the Sizzle

I am convinced that the downfall of many relationships is merely due to the inevitable dwindling of the passion and attraction that brings a couple together. I call this the 'Fizzle of the Sizzle' - the seven deadly steps of the downward spiral of modern relationships:

One

This guy is HOT. I can't keep my eyes off of him. I wonder how many times I have to go out with him and let him buy me dinner before I can rip his clothes off and jump into his bed without being considered a slut? Hmmmm?

Two

Ok, it has been at least a week... He took me out to a few dinners, we did the "I like this", and the "you like that" thing. It's time to get a little bit tipsy and do IT. Not so tipsy that I can't feel anything below the waist, but just tipsy enough that I can blame my bad behavior on the booze.

Three

I can't get enough of you. You are fantastic. Let's screw in the morning, the afternoon and the evening. Let's do it on the floor, the counter and in the bathroom at the bar.

Four

Why don't you show me how much you love me? Buy me some flowers. Let's sit down to a glass of wine by the fireplace before going to bed to "make love".

Five

I love it when you bring me flowers. Send them to my work so the girls can see how much you cherish me. Don't forget to pick me up a bottle of wine! If I get drunk enough, you can try to have sex with me. I can't promise anything.

Six

Skip the flowers. I am worried that you are spending too much money. Are you tracking your checkbook carefully enough? When you get off of work let's have a bottle of wine together, cuddle up in bed with the dog and go to sleep.

Seven

Just give me the bottle of wine. I'm too damn tired for sex and I have a headache... again.

This blog will be dedicated to one thing only. SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS. Learn how to maintain it, how to love it and especially how to continue wanting it. Take the first step to avoid this common 'lust-to-dust' transition - Subscribe to these posts!